Tired and Nervous

That’s right, I’m a ball of tired and nervous, and I think I will be until the future (of everyone) is better pinned down.  I hate waiting to see what happens, and this is just true.

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Tougher than the Fence Guy

So we had a guy out here to look into putting up a fence (because Oscar, the 15-pound dog, bit Lee and now he’s afraid) and my mother wasn’t home so I had to deal with him.  The fence buy is about 6′8” and weights at least 300 pounds.  At the end he saw the [...]

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The Curse of the Bird

My Father: My wish this time on the lucky madrone is to remove the curse of the bird.
Me: Did a bird curse you?
My Father: Yes. As your mother and I were driving back from Eugene we hit a bird. We went back and tried to rescue it, and our rescue may have worked, but I’m [...]

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Mighty Putty

My mother:  Hmmm…My Gorilla Glue is proving disappointing.
Me: Yah, now don’t you wish you had Mighty Putty?
My mother: [Sheepishly] Yes…

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Shower

My grandfather used to go swimming every Sunday morning with my mother and father.  My mother insisted because we knew he didn’t shower otherwise.  Recently he became too tired to swim, because he’s 93 and he’s tired, so we had to make him shower (he claims to shower but everyone knows he doesn’t).  My mother [...]

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Naming Rituals

My Father: Chauncy, I’m going to call you The King of Bathesda.  Oscar, I’m going to call you The Battle of Pinkey.

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L-Lysine

I’ve decided L-lysine is the best supliment ever, and so am going to become a taker of l-lysine tablets.  They lower cholesteral, they get rid of sugar-induced mouth sores.  They stop osteoperosis.  They alliviate labor pains.  I think they might stop rinkles, though none of the literature I read says so (but I’m pretty sure [...]

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Today

Today is rough because:
1. Today we go over money, which is rough because graduate school is alarming and damn Wellesley (where my sister goes) is unfriendly and made Hilary Clinton what she is today.  Money is just damn scarry.
2. The biet din is scary and wants to make conversion difficult, even for those of us [...]

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Lee

None of this is funny.  It’s all ridiculous, though.
Lee, our neighbor, recently lost the fourth toe on his left foot to chemotherapy.  He’s had many bouts of very bad cancer, basically attributed to his time in VIetnam spraying Angent Orange on things.  Regardless of the negative effects defoliants have had on his life, however, Lee [...]

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Flowers

My mother:  Well, I have to say, David’s ruined flowers.
My father: Well, no he hasn’t.
My mother: Should Hannah and David, G-d forbid, not end up together, any other bloke she dates better not even try sending flowers.  They’ll be pathetic next to David’s devotion to flowers.  They’ll just be sad reminders of how good David’s [...]

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What Santa Claus Does in Summer

So I’m working this summer as a “research assistant” in Horticulture at OSU, which basically amounts to a gardener, which is fine, because it means I’m paid $9 an hour to collect the vitiman D that I’ll be deficient in next year.  I work with Smitha, a nice girl from Calcutta, and we weed and [...]

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Shakespeare Quarterly

Well, I’m going to submit (I hope) to the Shakespeare Quarterly by next Wednesday.  It’s pretty unlikely that they’ll take my submission, because everyone (Kunin and Kuzner) recommends that I add more critical discourse, which I’ve done on a pretty minor level.  However, I have re-written and re-organized extensively, and it is quite a bit [...]

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Self-Medicating

I’m up at 2:41 writing because my ear hurts too much to sleep.
Two weeks ago my mother had a horrible ear infection, but she got over it and left the antibiotics on her night stand.  Also two weeks ago we gave Oscar the papillon a hair cut, and cut his hair too short, driving him [...]

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Garden Shop

Overheard (from the super-super seniors who work in the Horticulture Department at OSU):
Guy 1:  And the thing is, you know, me and Chelsea, she’s always wanting to talk to me, like, you know, everyday.  The way I figure, if I talk to her on Monday, I don’t have to talk to her on Tuesday.  I [...]

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Alterna-Dentist

Today the dentist gave up on saying “close” when she wanted me to close my mouth, and just started closing my mouth for me by shoving my jaws together.  She’s not my normal dentist.  Her office is unlike any dentist office I’ve ever been in.  She and her receptionist were the only people in the [...]

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Liz Claiborne

This seems petty, but it’s just about how great Ross Dress for Less is.  I got a lovely purse today at Ross Dress for Less.  It’s by Liz Claiborne, and it’s from last season and it’s “out of stock,” but its price last season was $165.  Ha! Ross Dress for Less, six dollars.  Take that [...]

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Peaches

The Oregon Country Fair is a scene and a half.  It represents a dramatic opportunity for everyone being held down by the man to wear whatever they want.  The interesting thing about the Oregon Country Fair is that it has more “Smoking” sections than any other event in the world, and this is because the [...]

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Cream

My mother:  Hannah, when you go running, make sure the dog swims.
Me: Because it’s so hot?
My mother: Yes, it’s so hot and I poured a lot of milk on his back, and at this temperature it will definitely spoil unless it gets washed off.

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Hampstead Garden Suburb

I’ll be living in Hampstead next year.  Though this is far less convenient to campus than I’d intended or anticipated, it is in fact much more convenient to North London, to the Jews, and to Hampstead Heath.  Hampstead heath is going to make running immensely more convenient.  You haven’t seen such convenience since I don’t know when.  [...]

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Christmas in July

The extremely fundimentalist Baptists rented the apitheater in the park for the three hours before the public fireworks were set off.  They put on a super-Christian patriotic show, explaining how Americans were the chosen people of Jesus.  There was a prayer tent.  It was pretty alarming from a seperation of church and state event, especially [...]

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Hiatus

Don’t worry, the weblog will get more regular soon.

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Vampires

My father:  Are vampires alive in America? Or rather, are they dead in America, or undead in America?  I say yes, yes they are, and they all live in Lincoln County [where Newport is].

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Florida

The thugs in the Newport library wish they were still in Florida, because it’s so much easier to have a gun there (plus, it’s so much easier to have a gun when you’re not on parole), and they had such cool guns while they were there.

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The N-Word

This is overheard from the thugs that hang out at the Newport, Oregon, public library:
Thug:  Yah, and I was down at The Sand Bar, and the bar tender, o, he was so annoying, do you know what he called me, he called me a stupid N- (he said the word but I won’t).  And I [...]

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